What is love? Beyond a refrain for a catchy song, the question remains for those searching for a relationship in the modern dating scene. As the media pushes the ideal of ‘love at first sight,’ singles are left to wonder if it is necessary or helpful to believe in. Azizi Carle, a therapist working for the mental health provider Thriveworks in Boston, defined love at first sight as an initial attraction triggered by the senses and an infatuation with a certain person. She explained that it motivates people to pursue bonds and build relationships. “That initial attraction isn’t [just] visual, but I think it also has a lot to do with other senses,” she explained. She noted that the senses activate hormones and adrenaline, leading to feeling love at first sight. However, Carle also noted the detrimental effect of expecting a partner to live up to a fantasy rather than gaining a deep understanding of their character. A study revealed that those with less realistic standards for a partner experienced lower relationship satisfaction and were less motivated to continue a relationship. “I’m huge as a therapist on intentionally creating healthy memories,” she stated. “It has to be [about] intentionally creating experiences with each other and creating a team initially to maintain a relationship.” In the experience of sophomore political communication major Zebulun Byaruhanga, love at first sight did both. He said it pushed him to pursue his partner and caused him to disrespect himself by staying in a bad relationship. “Your brain is so focused on ‘I need this person’ or ‘I want this person this bad’ that you just become blindsided,” Byaruhanga explained. Nadia Rosa, a freshman media arts production major, expressed a similar sentiment on infatuation. She said that with love at first sight, expectations are developed that are unfair for both sides. “When things aren’t what we expect, we usually feel disappointed,” Rosa said. “Taking that out on someone who didn’t even know about [those expectations] in the first place can be really unfair.” For Rosa, instead of love at first sight, she finds “growing with someone and seeing them grow” to be more poetic, because it accounts for change over time rather than how a person is at a specific moment. However, love at first sight can actually play a role beyond beginning a relationship. A psychological study on the concept conveyed that those who reported experiencing love at first sight had more passion in their relationship, leading to better stability and satisfaction. According to researchers Florian Zsok and Matthias Haucke, 92% of a sample size of 558 individuals who reported experiencing “love at first sight” went on to fall in “mutual love” with that person and develop a romantic relationship with them. The study then notes that love at first sight can influence a relationship later on because of how couples view their past memories together. Despite any real-life experiences that may shape people’s beliefs about love at first sight, it is impossible to ignore the influence of the media on people’s perceptions of romance. Carle finds that the media can distort what love is by emphasizing sex over other important elements, such as compatibility and boundaries. Multiple students expressed that the problem with love at first sight is that it is exaggerated in romance stories. For Byaruhanga, the pressure to have the perfect relationship on social media turned love into a status symbol rather than an organic connection. He feels the media made relationships feel transactional rather than being about bonding with someone. “You can be very good to someone, you can support them in every way, but the moment your social value drops, you’re kicked out,” Byaruhanga explained. Similarly, a research study on the effects of posting romantic relationships on social media illustrated that individuals frequently try to influence how others view their relationship. A couple’s choice to broadcast their relationship on social media appeared to be impacted by the perceived effects it would have on people’s opinions of them. Django Nachmanoff, a freshman at Emerson, stated that the emphasis on love at first sight in the media isn’t as negative as it may seem. “It makes stories more interesting and you skip a lot of the really mundane stuff,” he explained. Despite this, Nachmanoff still believes the concept is overrated. “I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend who lives in L. A., and when I met her, I kind of had a feeling that there was going to be something there,” he stated, describing the feeling as attraction rather than love at first sight. Although some viewed the media as having negative effects, Emerson students commended being present in cultivating a bond with a person rather than worrying about societal norms. So, what is love? You could say it is the appreciation and cooperation a couple shares, regardless of what love songs say.
https://berkeleybeacon.com/love-at-first-sight-romantic-or-media-myth/
